The Law Of Attraction and Parenting

The Law of Attraction states that: ‘I attract to myself, whatever I give my focus, attention, or thoughts to; whether wanted or unwanted’ or in other, more simple words: ‘What you think or what you believe is what you will see reflected in your life’ or the way I like to think of it: ‘What we give most thought to is what we get back’.

Nowhere is the power of suggestion stronger than with children. Using positive parenting tips, realistic law of attraction techniques and healthy positive thinking can help you raise happy and healthy children.

The key when relating to parenting is to only focus on those things you want for and from your children, and not the things you don’t want for or from them. I understand (from personal experience) that this may not always be an easy thing to do and does take some work.

We tend to focus our attention on the things about our children that annoy us such as a messy room, dirty clothes on the floor, not concentrating on school work, disrespect…And so on.

What we do then, is move focus and attention to the things we don’t want. So we get more of the same behaviours because this is where our attention is placed.

The children are frustrated and so are we!

Most parents will acknowledge that the very first word they stressed to their children was “NO!” Although it mostly comes from love and a desire to protect our children, without realising or intending it, this can have a very negative effect on the child.

When we think about our thoughts and language how often do we use the words, “don’t”, “not” and “no” with and around our children.

Just ask your children to list some examples of these words and I’m sure they will have no trouble coming up with a comprehensive list.

  1. Don’t make a mess
  2. Do not hit your sister
  3. No you cannot have another biscuit
  4. Don’t make me cross
  5. Do not be home late

We all know the list could go on and on for pages!

When you think about it, what is it that we really want? I imagine what we want is for our children to –

  1. Keep clean and tidy
  2. Be nice to their sister
  3. Eat something healthier than a biscuit
  4. Behave nicely
  5. Be home on time

So why don’t we just say that in the first place!

Paying attention to the words we use is so important in attracting what we want instead of what we don’t want. The words we use are also important because of the feelings they generate when they are used, both in the one speaking them and to the one hearing them.

As we know, limiting beliefs or negative mental habits begin in childhood as a result of thoughts that are continually being reinforced (especially those with emotion).

With that in mind, we can see that a positive request to do something rather than a negative demand is way more productive. It can create a desire in the child to do what you request as well as promote a positive mindset.

Putting this into practice:

Although it may sound simple enough to stop using these three tiny little words, often parents find it challenging. Making changes in our lives, even ones that we can see as beneficial is not always easy. As it is with anything, change begins within our mind…

So when we shift our perception of our role as a parent in our child’s life, the way we communicate changes too.

REMEMBER when we use words like “No”, “Don’t” and “Not” they are based on controlling which is acted out by issuing orders and commands. More often than not they are met with a negative response or reaction.

In contrast, when the parents honour and respect that their children are individuals, they see their role as a parent more to guide and nurture, rather than to ‘command’ and ‘control’.

So when you hear one of those dreaded, “Don’t, not or no” statements come out of your mouth… Remember to ask… “What do I really want?”

The LOA for kids is easy and as you now know, all it takes is a few changes in language to get you started.

Keep your attention and focus on what YOU WANT.

The kids will feel better and so will you!

Which of these hidden food additives are you feeding your kids?

Food additives have been used by mankind for centuries. Salt, sugar and vinegar were among the first used to preserve foods. In the past 30 plus years, however, with the advent of processed foods, there has been a massive explosion in the chemical adulteration of foods with additives. Considerable controversy has been associated with the potential threats and possible benefits of food additives.

Most food additives are considered safe. However, some are known to be carcinogenic or toxic. Hyperactivity in children, allergies, asthma, and migraines are often associated with adverse reactions to food additives.

Since 1987 Australia has had an approved system of labelling for additives in packaged foods. Each food additive has to be named or numbered (except flavours). The numbers are the same as in Europe, but without the prefix ‘E’.

In my book ‘Hidden Dangers’ there is a comprehensive list of food additives with the items of concern, with links to cancer, asthma and hyperactivity. (There is also a handy pocket size code breaker to take shopping). Food additives linked to ‘cancer’ may mean that the additive may be Carcinogenic (substances that cause cancer), Mutagenic (an agent that tends to increase the frequency or extent of mutation-: a change in genetic code) or Teratogenic (an agent or influence that causes physical defects in the developing embryo).

There are also additives that may trigger or worsen asthma attacks. Unfortunately there are also additives that may cause or exasperate hyperactive reactions. Some of the additives have one or more of these risks and may be linked to combinations of cancer, hyperactivity and asthma risk. Regardless of whether you have or are avoiding any of these challenges, it is advisable to avoid all food additives with these potential risks.

What is amazing is the number of food additives that are banned in so many countries overseas. So why are so many other countries switched on to the fact that these additives are harmful, toxic and potentially carcinogenic and our regulatory body in Australia (FSANZ) Food Standards Australia and New Zealand are not?

These are the food additives collectively that may cause hyperactive reaction:

E102, 104, 107, 110, 120, 122, 123, 124, 127, 128, 129, 131, 132, 133, 142, 150, 151, 154, 155, 160(b), 180

200, 210, 211, 220, 228, 250, 251, 252, 282,

319, 320, 321

421, 620, 621, 627, 631, 635, 951

Let’s look at some of these additives in more detail:

E102 (Tartrazine- a yellow colourant) 80% of hyperactive children and 15% of all Australians may be allergic. It may cause asthma, urticaria, uncontrolled hyper-agitation, aggressive behaviour and confusion. It can trigger hay fever, breathing problems, blurred vision and purple patches on the skin. (It is a suspected Carcinogen!)

E110 (Sunset Yellow) Cancer probability. People with aspirin allergies are at high risk. It may cause urticaria, swelling of blood vessels, gastric upset and vomiting. Potentially dangerous for asthmatics, people with ADD, ADHD, and hay fever. May cause hives, bronchoconstriction, anaphylactic reactions, allergies, kidney tumours, chromosomal damage, abdominal pain, vomiting. It is banned in Norway, Sweden, Finland and UK.

E129 (Allura red) May be linked to tumours and lymphomas. It may be dangerous for asthmatics and people with urticaria and hay fever. It could increase heart rate and is implicated in behavioural problems. It is prohibited throughout EEC Countries.

FLAVOURS in foods may also be detrimental for our health and especially for our children. The challenge with flavours is that they are not individually identified on labels other than saying ‘flavours’ so we basically have no idea what that flavour is. In most instances these flavours are synthetic and chemical based

Examples are-

  • Diethyl glycol—a cheap chemical used as an emulsifier instead of eggs
  • Aldehyde C17—an aniline dye used in plastic and rubber gives “cherry” flavour
  • Piperonal—a chemical used to kill lice, used in place of vanilla
  • Ethyl acetate—cleans leather, and its vapours are known to cause chronic lung, liver, and heart damage, gives “pineapple” flavour
  • Butylaldehyde—used in rubber cement. gives a “nut” flavour
  • Amyl acetate—an excellent paint solvent, produces a “banana” flavour
  • Benzyl acetate—a nitrate solvent, used for “strawberry” flavour

So… Have you checked your food labels lately?

Tip 21: Offer Your Children Choices

As adults we all like to be given choices.

Imagine the following scenario –

You get up in the morning and are running late and don’t have a lot of time to get ready. You are told what to do… what to wear, what and when to eat, to hurry up and not waste time…

Let’s say the dialogue goes like this:

“We are running late and it will be your fault if you are late for school. So I want you to go and have a quick shower now and don’t waste time and make sure you wash properly, remember your face. You can’t have breakfast until you do that so hurry up. No negotiation, you must be washed and dressed. But not until then!

There are left over sardines from the other day and some bread so that will do you for breakfast, too bad if you don’t like it. This isn’t a restaurant you know. And I want you to eat everything on your plate, or else!

We’re running late so get that into you quickly then load the dishwasher and wipe the benches. Make sure you hang the towel up too. Then hurry up and go make your bed, we’ve got 3 minutes to be out the door.”

Now let’s be honest who would respond to that positively, regardless of who it was doing the ordering around. How many of us would follow that happily and willingly with absolutely ‘no’ choices!

No one likes to be told ‘what to do’ and not be given choices. We wouldn’t talk to another adult like that (and if you did they would surely revolt!). So why would we speak to our children like that. By not giving choices you are going to be flat out gaining cooperation of any sort. Now imagine trying to gain your child’s cooperation in the above scenario. Good luck!

What about if we changed the dialogue just a bit.

You get up in the morning and say to your child:

“Good morning love. Today we have to work together to get ready quickly cause Mum has slept in and I want to help you to get to school on time but we only have a while to get ready. We all need to wash, have breakfast, make our beds and tidy the dishes. If we work together we should be able to do this and be on time.

Now, would you like to have a quick wash first or come and have breakfast? We don’t have a lot of time for a big breakfast so how does fruit and yoghurt sound or maybe cheese and tomato on toast.

How about we split the chores to make it faster? Would you rather do the beds or tidy the kitchen? If we all get going and work together we will make it on time to school.”

You may be thinking, “Lillian you are crazy. My kids wouldn’t do anything or hurry up at all if I gave them choices like that.”

My answer to you is to just try it. It might take a few goes for the children to understand they are being given choices. They’ll work out that if they cooperate it will work out better for them. Believe me they WILL get it!

I remember thinking that when Frank (we talked about him in ‘The Revolting Child’ book) suggested we let Caleb make choices about things we had tried in the past to ‘control’ I was a bit unsure. He said initially things may get worse. But he assured us that when Caleb saw that we were giving him some respect and treating him the way that we would like to be treated that he would start making better choices (without being asked or told!). And he did!

Remember we all like to be given choices.

Imagine getting dressed up to go out for dinner to a nice restaurant. You are seated and given the menu to ponder your choices. The waiter arrives with his order pad and pen poised. You select your meal choice and give the waiter your order. The waiter responds and says, “No you can’t have that. It’s only bangers and mash tonight and if you don’t like that too bad!”

This doesn’t mean you give your children a menu each night and say, “Take your choice. I’ll have your meal prepared soon.”

It could mean that you could do some compromise and have some choices even if only small ones. This way the children will at least feel like they are contributing to the choices. By asking for their opinion, even if it is just between one veggie and another, you are more likely to gain co operation.

This rule applies to most situations and you can actually word it to your benefit. For example, “Would you like to go out to the park after you’ve picked up your toys or would you rather stay home?” If they say they would rather go to the park, they have done so on the proviso of first picking up their toys. So you could follow up with, “Great, sounds like fun. As soon as you’ve picked up your toys we can get going.”

If they choose NOT to pick up their toys that’s okay, but they means they choose to stay home.

Please be sure to follow through if you do give your child choices. Otherwise your child will be confused about your ‘real intention’. Also be sure to offer choices that are viable, practical and sensible.

— Lillian

New Book: The Best Teacher I Can Be

ATTENTION TEACHERS AND EDUCATORS

I am so excited to announce that my new book ‘The Best Teacher I Can Be’ will be available early July.

As a special introductory offer I would like to offer the FIRST 6 teachers / educators that are willing to read the book asap (with an open mind as it may confront some teachers beliefs) and give a review on it …a COMPLIMENTARY copy.

I will have a questionnaire that I will ask you to fill out once you have read it. So please contact me via the contact page ASAP.

Feel free to pass this onto someone that you feel may be interested. ONLY THE FIRST 6 – BE QUICK!!